I'm bringing sexy back, folks

I must've just uncovered a secret sexiness and I probably shouldn't share the secret, but I will because I'm just THAT nice. This weekend, I unintentionally started a trend...to not shower. Yep, that's right. I woke up Saturday and immediately became the cleaning fairy in my loft. During that time, I started laundry in the building, and was truly becoming Cinderella with a scrubbing brush, suds and all. (sidenote: that scrubbing takes some real elbow grease! I think if I did that more often I may change from Cinderella to Popeye!) Then, I had to face the many unfinished canvases glaring, not just staring, but glaring at me because they know I've neglected them. Poor paintings, I'm sorry! So I began painting, then noticed the rolls of wrapping paper peeking out from under the couch...yet another reminder of something not done. Sheesh. So where in that ridiculously packed day was there time for a) a shower, and b) to brush my teeth?? I'm kidding...only slightly because I realized later in the day "OMG, I haven't even brushed my teeth!" But that's ok because I encountered no one and honestly, they looked and felt pretty clean. Don't worry, I brushed them extra hard and long before bed, AND did Crest Whitestrips! Go me!

I considered taking a shower after all was said and done, and even considered (for about a 1/2 of a second) to polish my toenails, but that thought vanished as quickly as it came. Instead, I thought I deserved a break. I chatted with a guy on match.com (yes, I'm on it, and no, I'm not embarrassed, obviously!)..he seemed cool, nice, "normal". Then, The Cuddler (my "double-wide" recliner) so sweetly called my name: "Baby, come take a seat....relax, you deserve it, you've worked so hard all day. Come!" So I did. How could I say no?

Today, I woke up and decided to snooze a few hundred times after the alarm, then skipped church! That is awful. It's ONE day a week.....ONE!...and I skipped it to go to the huge Reebok/Adidas Warehouse sale. Do you think I showered before that? Eee-er. No. Sho' didn't. Went to Lowe's, then Meijer. And here is where my day turned for the worse. Although, here is also where I apparently brought sexy back.

Meijer...a store I don't usually enter, at least not since college. I chose it above Aldi, being that Aldi doesn't protect their customers' credit card info and both of my bank account #'s and pins were stolen from there, Meijer seemed pretty appealing. I slip-slided through the parking lot, got a basket to shop, and got my goods. Looking for rice chex, I pass 2 employees....males. They are deep in convo. I only noticed them because they were blocking the aisle I needed. Timeout: Let me describe my outfit. I am wearing somewhat skinny jeans but not super tight, Ugg-alike boots, big sweatshirt, t-shirt hanging out, puffy vest, ear/headband for warmth, and my dirty hair is pulled back into the world's tiniest pony-tail. Correction, world's 2nd tiniest pony-tail because 1st place went to the security guard at the Reebok Warehouse...I think she got me on length, but I definitely got her on girth...that girl had to have a total of 10 hairs to make 1 pony-tail....sad. :(

Ok, timeout is over. I walk by the 2 guys, and 1 so rudely interrupts his counterpart to say "Damn, she is sexy as a motherf*cker!" And his eyes are all over my puffy vest and dirty hair. I pass, ignore the comment because he either a) thought my headband was soundproof, or b) wanted me to hear that. I could've hit myself at that point because the aisle with the rice chex was the one he was blocking. I walk into the aisle, only to pass Mr. Obvious and hear "She is sexy as hell!" Now, folks, was the appropriate response to these comments to:

1. Keep walking, ignore ignore ignore, and study the cereal aisle as though you are reading nutritional info on every box.

OR

2. Acknowledge him, say "Hi, your name is...(read his nametag), insert name here. I heard you say I'm sexy. Are you single?"

OR

3. Acknowledge him, drop kick him for being a pig and say "How's THAT for sexy!"

Well of course #1. But, this is what I don't get....when guys make those comments, do they truly in their hearts feel they are being complimentary to women? And do they think those actions get good reactions, like "Here's my #!" Same with honking the horn. Guys honk and holla at girls running/walking all the time....do they really think we're going to wave our arms to flag them down and beg them to return because we can't resist their studly-ness? Uh no. And I'm sorry if they HAVE gotten that type of response in the past.

So yes, I brought sexy back by not showering and wearing my baggy, puffy, most nonflattering clothing. That's the secret, Ladies, don't shower, wear hot clothes, a headband for warmth, fake uggs with the buttons falling off, and for extra sexiness, might as well not brush your teeth for a few days....it seems we should do the opposite for a change and we'll get a great response from the gentlemen! WOOT WOOT!