Ok, so this question has recently become a part of my life due to the recent membership to eharmony. I guess I don't get why "maybe" is one of the answer choices. What does that even mean? Maybe I'll have a kid....if I feel like it after we date for a few years and maybe I won't because I want to tease you a little bit into dating me when I really don't have any desire to have children. I think it's basically an unfair answer, but hello Allison..when did life become fair? (Or when was it EVER fair?! Wake up, sister.)
And it's funny that I'm even typing this today because just lastnight I must have received a sign from God because as I've been wondering this, I read it in the Glamour magazine I've had sitting on my end table for a month now, waiting for me to finish. So I picked it up on a lazy Friday night (after a 2 hour nap!) and thumbed through it. How random of me to actually read an article, but it mentioned this in one part. And here are the answers some guys responded with:
Steve: "The bigger the net, the more fish you'll catch. If men come out and say no or yes about something so important, they cut their prospects way down. To know where he stands, bring up the subject in a casual way. Talk about your nieces and nephews, or share a childhood experience. Discuss kids as a subject, not a goal, and pay attention to his reaction."
Morreale: "It means he wants kids--when he finds the right person. You women just say, "I want a baby!" Men aren't like that. For us, it's "Well, maybe if I find the right girl, I'll start a family."
Sheffield: "It means 'Kids: very likely,' but he probably prefers to tread lightly. He doesn't want to know the names you've picked out or the best school districts and summer camps. That kind of detail can feel like a job interview. It stresses a guy out if he can sense that you're on a tight schedule and looking for him to check off the 'kids' box."
So, I clearly see 3 different opinions here which gets me even more confused! Why can't guys just check yes or no and quit making this so complicated. I know, at the ripe age of 31, I want a guy who wants kids...so, if you are on a dating site and say "maybe" then I'm most likely not giving it even a glimmer of a chance. So, if your "maybe" means "yes" at ALL, then you've just eliminated yourself from my future. :)
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Discussing the desire to have children or the approach to that subject can be sensitive. Some of the comments you posted may help you to broach the subject in a way that makes you comfortable.
ReplyDeleteThere are some interesting facts about the Personal Preferences settings in eHarmony regarding wanting to have or adopt children with a new partner. You can find some pertinent information in this article under the section entitled “Children.”
http://www.advice.eharmony.com/article/eharmony-and-the-art-of-match-settings-personal-preferences.html
You may find this article helpful in other sections as well. Any further questions about eHarmony? Follow me on Twitter http://www.twitter.com/eharmony_Jack
-Jack
'Maybe' just means you're flexible. Life could be happy either way. Just depends on practicality. If he's a teacher and so are you... life with white picket fences out in the 'burbs may not be a reality -- even if you both love kids.
ReplyDeleteUltimately, it's your choice; if you don't have time and there are a lot of "ideal" options go for them. But then nicely wrapped packages sometimes yield sour surprises.
DISCLAIMER: I'm NOT a teacher, follow an alternative lifestyle, and happy about the nuances and curves that life often throws.